im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
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Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
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If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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