my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I am midnight drunk by noon
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize