its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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