I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
