Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I've blown a few things in my day
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Even my vagina gasped.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
