you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
