woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
The air taste purple.
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