So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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