i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
