does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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