WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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