someone get that fucking seahorse.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
