Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
