He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
