Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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