this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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