That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
