Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
