All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Randomize
