the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize