I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
