I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
