This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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