Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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