he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
