his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
