You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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