I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
