I wish I could punch you in the face.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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