i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
