I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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