Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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