so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
