I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
