Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
