is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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