My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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