i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I need to stop coming to work sober
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
