She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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