how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
