Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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