I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Randomize