sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
This baby is an asshole
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
