i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
