he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
