dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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