..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
