I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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