The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
