how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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