Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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