you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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