You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
