i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
