I wannas sexs uuuuu
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
