And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
