i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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