You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
