you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
