great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
3 2 1 whiskey
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
