So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
3 2 1 whiskey
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
