Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I need a beard to bite.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
