Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
