mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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